Thursday, June 6, 2013

Tales...from...the retirement...village!

Hello Friends,

It's time today for our first installment of TALES FROM THE RETIREMENT VILLAGE!

I'm visiting my mother for the first 1/3 of the summer. She lives in a retirement village, a huge tract of land inhabited by old people (mostly), who enjoy nothing more than eating dinner at 4 p.m. and playing golf. Lots and lots of golf. And also sometimes being crazy and driving very slow.

It is a hysterical/sad/disturbing/awesome/strange place.

Here are some tales.

From the "Hot Springs Village Voice" Tuesday, June 4th, 2013. Police reports:

"A lost resident was escorted home."

"A lost visitor was escorted to a family reunion."

"A loose dog on Azucena Lane was located and the owner told village policy."

"Over a three day period, officers made their weekly recurring social-services trips to Galacia Lane, learning of missing Hawaiian shoes, the sudden appearance of rose motif stamps, changed door locks, stolen passwords, lights that no longer work on a computer, and the likelihood of orbital and/or extraterrestrial monitoring. As in previous weeks, officers were ordered to smell and taste mysterious powders, pastes, and fluids which routinely materialize in the home.

The officers respectfully declined."

"A lost resident was escorted home."

You just can't make this stuff up...

Stay tuned for more tales and pictures of the funeral home playing cards we're using to play Crazy Eights.

Still deciding whether to laugh or cry,

Stacey

3 comments:

Samantha Jones said...

Bawhaha *sigh* that was hilarious and sad, all rolled into one delightful commentary! Looking forward to more Tales from the Darkside, I mean, retirement village:)
WriterlySam

Stacey Jay said...

I have SO many more. It's sad and terrifying and wonderful. Will post more soon!

Sophie Littlefield said...

oh, sugar!